Party Done!

Everywhere we turn we’re bombarded by news headlines of the latest politricks in our country; every story even more ludicrous and morbidly comical than the last. We’re fifty-two years into independence and consistently proving to our colonial masters of the past that we are indeed INCAPABLE of running our own affairs. Too bad they’re too busy with progress to interject with an, “I told you so!”

It seems that we’re the rebellious teenager who no longer wanted to be controlled by our Mother, and boldly strut off into the great unknown. I’m all for independence, but THIS… this is just sad. In the wise words of our past President, “Political development must not end with the attainment of independence; independence is a culmination only of the movement toward self-government.” (Robinson, 2001, p.xi)

Party politics of Trinidad and Tobago are literally that- a party! It’s wild, out of control and filled with nothing but scandal and drunken ordeals. We are not, and have not been seeing political parties that postulate poise, patriotism and prudence. When we think we’ve gotten to the last straw that supposed to break the camel’s back, we think the party done… it seems like the party now getting started. And the citizens of Trinidad and Tobago, like the camel, trod on wearily.

 Politics are about scandal, slander, race and reproach. As MacDonald rightly noted, “In the increasing complex realm of Trinidad politics, the ethnic factor would grow to overshadow the class factor on a nationwide basis…” (MacDonald, 1986, p.67) The truth is that for so many credulous citizens, their duty belongs to their Almighty race. What this means is that no matter how outrageous the party gets, we ignore that irking feeling of discomfort because we’re a _ _ _ till we die! It’s either that or the OTHER party with people of the OTHER race come into power… and we can’t have that! No way!

When two political parties battle for ‘Baptist’ publicity, when Parliament discussions involve linking the negative attributes of an Opposition leader to him being a child of rape, when statements like, “If yuh name man, come outside!” can be made in Parliament and political leaders can say, “”She could jump high, she could jump low, she could drink this, she could drink that, she could bark at meh dog, I go ignore she cat” … we are in trouble! It’s long overdue, but the party needs to done, the people done rile up!

 

References:

Chan Tack, C. (2015, April 1). PNM, UNC battle over Baptists. Trinidad and Tobago Newsday. Retrieved April 5, 2015, from http://www.newsday.co.tt/politics/0,209109.html

Julien, J. (2015, March 25). Rowley: Sorry about that “cat” talk. Trinidad Express Newspapers. Retrieved April 4, 2015, from http://www.trinidadexpress.com/news/Rowley-Sorry-about-that-cat-talk-297539641.html

Kowlessar, G. (2015, April 4). T&T politics at a new low. Trinidad and Tobago Guardian. Retrieved April 4, 2015, from http://www.guardian.co.tt/news/2015-04-04/tt-politics-new-low

MacDonald, S. (1986). Trinidad and Tobago: Democracy and development in the Caribbean. New York: Praeger.

Robinson, A. (1971). The mechanics of independence; patterns of political and economic transformation in Trinidad and Tobago. Cambridge, Mass.: M.I.T. Press

 

 

 

 

New Facebook Page!

Hey Everyone!

This is just a quick update to let you all know that the Trini Girl With a Blog FACEBOOK Page is up and running!

Thank you to all who so graciously followed the blog even without Facebook, I appreciate you!

So check out the link and like the Page!

https://www.facebook.com/ttgirlwithablog

Click me!

The ‘Sporadic’ Church Movement

Happy Palm Sunday!

For those of you who may not be aware, here’s a brief synopsis of what Palm Sunday is about:

“On Palm Sunday Christians celebrate the triumphal entry of Jesus Christ into Jerusalem, the week before his death and resurrection. For many Christian churches, Palm Sunday, often referred to as “Passion Sunday,” marks the beginning of Holy Week, which concludes on Easter Sunday.” (Fairchild, n.p.)

Palm Sunday for a Trini, however, is a crucial aspect of what I call, the “Sporadic Church Movement”. The Sporadic Church Movement occurs in four seasons. (No, not the hotel!) Trinis regardless of age, sex, class or race flock to church on Old Years Night/New Years Day, Ash Wednesday/Lent season, Palm Sunday/Easter season and Christmas Eve/Christmas Day.

It’s a cultural norm and so deviants are frowned upon. After all, how could you NOT go to church on Christmas Day or New Year’s Day? You must be the devil himself! Let’s ignore the fact that the church doesn’t see our face any other day of the year. Let’s also ignore the fact that we revel in anti-Christian activities the other three hundred and sixty days of the year. The fact is that during these four seasons, we go to church! Why? Because that’s just what we do!

*cue Hozier’s Take Me To Church*

I’m not saying we’re bad people… but sometimes we need to remember that going to church says nothing about who we are on the inside. For a lot of persons, especially those belonging to the Sporadic Church Movement, church attendance is more a means of maintaining a particular image than anything else.

It’s simply a mentality that we as Trinidadians share. Whilst this post is not to condemn anyone, its simply to raise awareness to this hypocritical cultural norm. Church attendance should be a personal choice. It should never be to maintain an image or to blindly follow the crowd. Keep this in mind throughout the year!

References:

Fairchild, M. (n.d.). What Is Palm Sunday and What Do Christians Celebrate? Retrieved March 30, 2015, from http://christianity.about.com/od/holidaytips/qt/whatispalmsunda.htm

Probst, K. (2011, April 7). Highest Branch: When Going To Church Becomes A Sinful Act. Retrieved March 30, 2015, from http://kpprobst.blogspot.com/2011/04/when-going-to-church-becomes-sinful-act.html

Schultz, T. (2012, November 28). The Real Reason They Go to Church. Retrieved March 30, 2015, from http://holysoup.com/2012/11/28/the-real-reason-they-go-to-church/

Panadol Culture

Sometimes inspiration comes in very strange ways. [You can quote me on that]. As I mentioned in my Apology Post, I was recently sick. During this dreadful period, I naturally decided to visit the doctor. But being the indecisive person I am, later on in that very evening I had a change in heart. So, when my friend unquestioningly questioned; “So yuh gonna go by the doctor tomorrow rite?” my response surprised both of us alike.

Maybe it was the aggression of the fever doing the talking, but I crudely vented about the fact that I was going to have to spend one hundred and fifty dollars for a doctor’s visit, only for him to prescribe Panadol and maybe a nasal spray for my overactive sinus and conclusively suggest I drink cool, clear liquids at all times.

This was the remedy and I could recite it off of the top of my aching head. With this frustration, it struck me. Panadol seemed to be the Trini ‘go-to’ cure. The Almighty Panadol was an uncontested staple in our sick diets and it seemed to be the remedy for virtually any ailment. According to me, this reflects the Panadol culture of Trinidadians.

Panadol is not taboo in Trinidad. It is a commonly-accepted part of our culture. If we have a fever, we take Panadol. If we have a headache, we take Panadol. If we’re feeling indescribably ill, we take a Panadol. If we don’t opt to take it on our own, we end up taking it through suggestion.

Girl 1: “Girl, I doh know na, I feeling rel sick.”

Girl 2: “Yuh want a Panadol? I have extra strength.”

 Whilst there are countless other products on the market, Panadol is the safe option because we’ve been taking it for countless years. We’re not innovative. We don’t prefer to try new things, new methods, new approaches, and new governments.

The government in itself contributes to this Panadol culture. The Trinidadian citizens are sick all year around. Sick with debt, lack of amenities, traffic, crime, injustice, poor public sector service. The list can go on and on.

However, we witness the Panadol culture in full effect during the pre-election period. During this time, Panadol Extra Strength and Multi-Symptom are used conscientiously as a fast-relief of the population’s pain. Houses are distributed, minimum wage increases, grants are made, roads are paved, highways constructed and new facilities are built.

It’s the same cycle of sickness yet the fast-relief of the Panadol distracts us. We become blind to the pattern of behaviour that we allow. So, instead of nourishing our bodies and our population with good things throughout the year to boost our immune system and invigorate us, we run ourselves into the ground fete after fete, allegation after allegation, one dead body after the next. Then at the eleventh hour, we turn to quick-fix, the same old Panadol that we’ve been taking for years to momentarily relieve our pains.

References:

MacDonald, S. (1986). Trinidad and Tobago: Democracy and development in the Caribbean. New York: Praeger.

Shah, R. (2015, March 8). Buying and selling government. Retrieved March 28, 2015, from http://www.trinidadandtobagonews.com/blog/?p=8660

Those in need must get houses. (2015, March 14). Trinidad and Tobago’s Newsday. Retrieved March 28, 2015, from http://www.newsday.co.tt/letters/0,208312.html

Every Creed and Race Find an Equal Place… LOL!

Ironically, the blog post I planned to write today was supposed to be about racism and governmental politics in Trinidad and Tobago. I had the title and everything; “Twin Taboo, Twin Island”. The perspective of this post was supposed to be centered on the idea that Racism and Governmental politics are still taboo in an island fifty-two years into Independence. Unashamedly.

I shared these exact sentiments:

“As we grapple with divisive elements in the society that seem to thrive on fomenting mistrust between our two main ethnic groups, I take comfort in the fact that for the vast majority of our people, especially the young, racialism and racism have little space in Trinidad and Tobago.” (Shah, 2014, n.p.)

Taboo? Racism having little space in T&T? The joke of the year!

On my way to my apartment this afternoon, the universe aligned to give me a wakeup call to the issue of Race in Trinidad. It’s as if the universe read my blog plan and decided to intervene before I put finger to keypad and produce a naïve piece.

Race isn’t Taboo in Trinidad! The Universe knows it, you know it… and now even I know it. In my 21 years of life, I now know this! Was my ignorance really bliss? And now that the daydream is over, I question my place in this world. Is there any place for an anti-racist here?

I was given the shock of my life sitting in the backseat of a car this evening! My friend was in the front seat and her boyfriend was the driver. Approaching a traffic light, a young woman of African descent attempted to cross the road after misreading that the car was coming to a stop. She stopped and recoiled realizing she was wrong and laughed it off. Then there it was. “…fu**ing n**ga”.

I stopped breathing.

As my heart attempted to resuscitate itself, the aftershock came. “Daz why I doh like dem yuh kno!”

Well Jesus take the wheel!!!

I felt nauseous. Weak. My mind shut down and my lips shut up. I had a mental breakdown and an anxiety attack simultaneously. Upon regaining some consciousness, I managed to inform my friend that I wished to drop off at my apartment immediately. I considered dropping out right there in Curepe and navigating my way to my St. Augustine apartment, but this racist was not worth my life.

Racism transcends all borders in Trinidad and Tobago. Old, young, gay, straight, male, female. There is unity in racism! It’s not just the “common folk”, but the “elite” as well. As Standem noted, ” Racism is demonic and these politicians know how to evoke emotions in their supporters.” (2013 ,p.36)

This racist fiasco involving a State Board Member, ahem, *former* State Board Member occurred a year ago, yet only surfaced recently. The picture says a thousand words. Unfortunately these words are singing a sad song for Humanity and the most important Race- The Human Race.

My emotions are interrupting the flow of this post but sadly, the issue of racism in Trinidad and Tobago is a  renewable resource. Don’t be surprised if another post is shared on this very issue, in a more composed manner. Until then, remember that in this century of knowledge and smartphones, being racist only proves your ignorance and stupidity.

References:

Nantambu, K. (2015, March 19). Race versus Ethnicity in T&T. Retrieved March 24, 2015, from http://www.trinidadandtobagonews.com/blog/?p=8667 

Shah, R. (2014, April 14). Brotherhood that Transcends Race. Retrieved March 24, 2015, from http://www.trinidadandtobagonews.com/blog/?p=8134#more-8134

Standem, M. (2013). The Demonization of the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago – The Satanic Verses. Lulu.com.

Hey everyone!

I’m so sorry for not posting for a while and sticking to my “Stay tuned for a new post every week” mandate. I have been under the weather for a little while, but thankfully I’m recovering. On top of not feeling my best, I’ve been swamped with group assignments, individual assignments, midterms, presentations etc.! I barely had a minute to breathe!

But… Fear not!

I promise I will make up for falling back on my blog posts. (Pinky promise) So as a special treat… There’ll be 3 new posts this week. Yes I said it…. 3!!! So stay subscribed and stay tuned to Trini Girl With a Blog for that 411 from the 868.

The wise Charlie Sheen (from Two and a Half Men) once said that alcohol is for people that can afford to lose a few brain cells. With that being said, the University student body just might fall into this category of people. But whether or not they fall into this category, the Chemistry students might auger that technically… alcohol is in fact a solution. Given this scientific fact, is there any way this seemingly ‘magical’ solution can ironically pose a problem as well? The answer is Yes.

“Drinking too much can result in serious negative health effects including poor liver function, liver disease, high blood pressure, weight gain, and changes in the brain’s ability to produce new cells.” (Sniderman, 2012, n.p.) But I’m sure you’ve heard this a thousand times before. The reality is that if something bad happens, you drink in order to forget. If something good happens, you drink in order to celebrate. If nothing happens, you drink to make something happen.

It is a known fact that alcohol consumption is an integral part of many students’ University life, whether it be every Wednesday night or otherwise. But, as Vander Ven rightly asked, “How has our society come to see college and drinking as synonymous?” He went on to add that, “Maybe this is the case because our popular culture often depicts university life in this way.”  (2011, p.ix) This issue is compounded during the second semester/ Carnival season when there is a marked increase in student alcohol consumption practices. There is now considerable evidence of a cultural shift towards alcohol abuse rather than use among students during this season. This excessive consumption foreshadows nothing less than a catastrophic calamity.

But how did alcohol become the foundation course of our University life? And should we be proud that we’re passing with flying colours, new GPA scheme or not?

Maybe it’s not our fault. Maybe, we just need to blame it on the music like Rupee said. After all, it could just be in our nature as University students to follow the instructions from great teachers such as Machel Montano, Kerwin Du Bois and Lyrikal. And so with ease, we oblige like the good students we are and, “Pop a Bottle” with “No Apology” because we’re on “Cloud 9”.

As students, when faced with these contradicting demands; to drink or not to drink, the real solution is all about finding that much needed balance between alcohol and academia.

It’s true that we’re only young once and ‘UWI’ life is certainly filled with its perks, but we owe it to ourselves and our health to know where to draw the line. In the true spirit of Carnival, as we bid farewell to the flesh, do we bid farewell to our dignity and self-respect as well? Are the experiences of falling over ourselves, vomiting all over ourselves (and others), being the laughingstock of the night, ‘hooking-up’ with strangers, and having near-death experiences in our barely-conscious state worth it? I bet the hangovers are worth it…

If these things are worth alcohol abuse, it leads me to wonder if being a student of the University of the West Indies is worth anything after all. As a student myself, it would be simply heartbreaking to witness other students disregard all of the time, money and effort it took to get to where we are today and throw it all away for the temporary perks of a careless lifestyle. However, I guess these matters are unimportant. What matters is the present and living in the moment. After all, you only live once. That’s the motto, right?

Regardless of the youth motto, the reality is that getting ‘wasted’ every week might not be the best thing for your physical or mental well-being. “The phrase “work hard, play hard” and its many variants that are heard on campuses… tie alcohol use to the academic life as a just reward for hard work in the classroom or laboratory.” (Dowden, 2012, p.81) However, we are all cognizant of the fact that being a ‘UWI’ student can be quite demanding. From quizzes, presentations, midterms, assignments, readings and research, Machel rightly said that its, “Endless Wuk”. Therefore, it’s not outlandish to assume that ever so often we do need a brain cooler. Some of us prefer to sit back and have a few drinks in order to ease the stress of ‘studenthood’. Nothing is wrong with that, but the key is MODERATION.

University students drink. That’s a universal fact. However, we should not take this cultural norm for granted and use it as an excuse for excessive alcohol consumption. At the end of it all our occupation; our role and responsibility within the larger society is to be the best student that we can be. Never take your role for granted. There are thousands who wish they could have an opportunity to be educated. Thousands who aren’t afforded, or rather, can’t afford the opportunity to achieve social mobility and secure a better standard of living for themselves and their family. Don’t forget this.

With all this being said, I want to assure you that you CAN have it all as a ‘UWI’ student. “Balance, that’s the secret. Moderate extremism. The best of both worlds.” (Edward Abbey)

References:

Dowdall, G. (2012). College Drinking: Reframing A Social Problem/Changing The Culture. Dulles: Stylus Publishing.

Sniderman, Z. (2012, October 4). 11 Ways Alcohol Is Legitimately Healthy. Retrieved March 7, 2015, from http://greatist.com/health/alcoholic-drinks-benefits

Ven, T. (2011). Getting wasted: Why college students drink too much and party so hard. New York: New York University Press.

4 Common Challenges Most Young Trini Couples Experience

“A growing body of research suggests that the romantic domain of youth’s lives is prominent, affects how (they) view the self, and is marked by intense emotional ups and downs.” (Fincham & Cui, 2010, p.275)

So let’s get right into it some of these intense emotional ups and downs

1) Skeletons in the cupboard:

Finding a partner who has had no previous relationships or ‘intimate involvements’ with another person is quite rare, not impossible, but very rare. Everyone has a past and you can bet your bottom dollar that there are just as much shameful experiences and regrets as there are achievements in any given past.

However, two facts remain;

1) Trinidad is a very small place

2) Trinidad is also a synonym for the word ‘Bacchanal’

It becomes a trying task for a young couple to embark on a new relationship without the ghosts of the recent and not-so-recent past suddenly speaking up. So don’t even think about locking those skeletons in your cupboard. If you want to know why, refer to Facts 1 and 2 above. Trust me, if you don’t reveal those skeletons to your partner, someone else definitely will, heck, even the skeletons themselves might do the talking.

This may be a difficult and emotional topic of discussion and may take some time to be done effectively. We all wish that our partner never had a past and so, our emotions can get the best of us. Also, according to the number of ex-partners, we may even be discouraged to continue in the current relationship. The fact is that once you reveal these skeletons to your partner, you take away the opportunity and power from anyone else who seek to use it against you. I’m not staying to justify or make excuses for your past, but own it. Because if you don’t someone else will. Also, it makes for a much stronger relationship that is more resistant to the opinions of the ‘bacchanalists’ that surround. Own it and Evolve from it. By evolving, your past is dead. Definitions of you as ‘a bad ting’, ‘a player’, a ‘ho’ or anything else is also dead. You are not your past, but it will serve you well to inform your partner of it, to avoid the inevitable and unpleasant surprise that will come from living in a small place like Trinidad.

 

2) No money, Mo’ problems:

So, the young adult is usually considered around the age of 18-25. You’re now establishing yourself within tertiary education or even a career. Most of us aren’t that lucky to be gifted a new car for our 18^th birthday and neither do our parents have a spare car lying around that suddenly becomes ours to use. For some of us, we actually have to go to school, get a job and accumulate some sort of bank savings in order to source a loan to eventually purchase a car of our own. This takes time! So for the meanwhile, we’re left to survive by sourcing alternative transport to achieve our ‘dates’, which usually comes with a cost attached to it. The only problem is that our only income is our parents’ allowance. Pressure!  Getting around these setbacks and maintaining our relationship is a bit of a struggle, but it isn’t impossible.

The two partners need to acknowledge and accept their situation and agree to make the best of it together, as a team. There are many creative dates you can conjure up together that doesn’t require you breaking the piggy bank. The reality is that, there are limited options for ‘adult’ dates in Trinidad that won’t hurt your pocket. The limited options that exist can be exhausted quite quickly and easily as well.

However, you can both spice it up by having picnics, having a movie day/night with your own DVDs since Movie Towne is way too expensive, grabbing a simple breakfast together; do not underestimate doubles (everyone loves doubles) or even a relatively cheap breakfast special at Wendy’s or Burger King once in a while. You can carpool with friends and other couples for trips to the Emperor Valley Zoo, the Botanical Gardens, beautiful sites such as the Bamboo Cathedral, or even one of the hundreds of beaches in Trinidad. There’s so much you can do to keep the spark alive even though money is tight and transport is a bit of a problem. You’re young and while you need to start saving for your future, you also need to have a little fun. Fun doesn’t always have to mean expensive.

3) Toxic ‘Friends’:  

It is often said that a relationship shouldn’t ruin a friendship. However, I think it should be said more often, that a friendship shouldn’t ruin a relationship either! A promising relationship somehow acts as a magnet that attracts hatred, jealousy and any other facet of negativity you can think about. It is safe to say that any good relationship has witnessed the metamorphosis of numerous friends into ‘frenemies’. “More commonly, “sabotage” comes in the form of bad advice in regards to relationship or new flame.” (Birch, 2012, n.p.) Referring back to the 2 facts about Trinidad mentioned above, it is understood why friendships should be monitored closely to ensure they’re not secretly destroying your relationship.

Although this may be debatable, since Trinidad is in fact densely populated by Bacchanalists, Birch argued that, “Most cases of “sabotage” aren’t actually full of ill will, but of misunderstanding. However…there are some malicious people, but those are the exceptions. I would not say they are the rule… when there is maliciousness, it is usually because of lack of self-esteem and envy that someone else might have what she believes she cannot have. These are not real friends.” (2012, n.p.)

Whether your friends are encouraging/condoning cheating, nagging about your past relationships, demanding more attention and suggesting you ignore your partner, being disrespectful to, lying on, or even flirting with your partner (the list can go on and on), you need to take heed and cut them off! Don’t allow them to steer your relationship into destruction. Run from the moment you observe these elements! These friends are not conducive to a good relationship.

At the end of the day, it is important to know that you shouldn’t base your relationship decisions merely off of the advice of people who don’t have to live with the results. Some people just don’t want to see you in a happy relationship if they’re not. You decide what’s more important.

4) Facebook. Think Before You Share because Not Everyone Cares!

Yes I’m aware there are other social media that affects relationships, but Facebook is a pretty common one that I can comment on through experience. There are many issues that can be challenging, ranging from vestiges of old flames, overanalyzing your partner’s posts, feelings of insecurity when you are exposed to your partners exes and potential partners, sharing too much information about your partner and your relationship issues, as well as the risk of ‘public heartbreak’ since your Facebook relationship status determines how official it is. (duh!)

Facebook maturity is real phenomenon. We all start off virtually immature but it becomes imperative to develop some measure of ‘Facebook etiquette’ if we are to carefully nurture and maintain our romantic relationship. Trini people like to talk (refer to Fact 2). As tempting as it may be, RESIST the urge to update the public of your relationship problems and disagreements. Do not taint the sacrosanct boundary between the private and public. No One Really Cares! You risk getting more harmful advice whilst simultaneously opening a portal for third party involvement. You and your partner will eventually resolve the issue and move on, but the public won’t.  Think before you post. Because Trinidad is small and Trinidad is Bacchanal, after you share that post complaining about your man not giving you enough attention, Sally’s friend’s brother who doesn’t even have you on Facebook is suddenly reaching out to you for consolation.

Overall, it’s not impossible to maintain a relationship as young adults in Trinidad. The odds may not be in your favour, but it’s all about using these potential obstacles to your advantage and for the ultimate survival of your relationship. Trinidad may not be quite ‘relationship-conducive’, but it’s up to you and your partner to make the right decisions as a team and maneuver the challenges that may come your way.

References:

13 Signs Your Friends Are Ruining Your Relationship. (n.d.). Retrieved March 2, 2015, from http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/broken-heart/13-signs-your-friends-are-ruining-your-relationship 

Birch, J. (2012, August 29). Are Your Friends Ruining Your Love Life? Retrieved March 1, 2015, from http://www.latina.com/lifestyle/love/are-your-friends-ruining-your-love-life 

DeJolde, A. (n.d.). How Does Facebook Affect Your Relationships? Retrieved March 2, 2015, from http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-does-facebook-affect-your-relationships.html

Fincham, F. (2010). Romantic relationships in emerging adulthood. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

The Social Media Purge; I Post therefore I am…Not

Life has become infiltrated by social media. Life IS social media.

Our generation is witnessing before its very eyes the metamorphosis of Descartes’ seemingly timeless maxim, “I think therefore I am” into a more modern concept; “I post therefore I am.” Whether you’re in the ‘developed world’, or the ‘developing’ world like Trinidad, the experience is pretty much the same. In other words, social media has provided all its users with a virtual opportunity to present our self-created version of our lived reality with the world.

As a result, we are bombarded by the silent probes of social media to prove our existence. If we do not post a picture of our Carnival costume, did we really wear it? If we do not share a photo of our Richard’s shark and bake, did we really eat it? And if we do not update our status stating we’re off to Machel Monday, post a selfie and/ or tag the location, did we really go?

“As human beings, we have the dichotomous psychological need to be individuals yet feel connected to and accepted by a much larger social set.” (Qualman, 2012, n.p.)

So, if you were to take the social media purge and unplug yourself for three days, would you cease to exist? I imagine as the final click is made on the ‘LOG OUT’ button, our physical body would begin to dissipate into billions of atoms and seep into the atmosphere…. Or would it? I took the three day challenge and I’m living proof that I did not cease to exist, my life did not shut down… entirely.

Day 1:

I wearily rubbed the sleep from my eyes and mindlessly reached over for my DL700 to engage in my morning ritual; to answer the beckoning of the intriguing blue ‘F’ icon on my home screen. As my finger glided over to the blue portal of my virtual reality, my memory jogged and I hastily retreated. “NO! I shouldn’t!” I reprimanded myself. My finger clearly had a mind of its own and made another desperate yet futile attempt to open instead, the green portal to my virtual reality. I just wanted to know what was up with my boyfriend but I received the conviction that I could easily make a phone call to do so instead. I obeyed and recoiled under the covers, unsure of what to do with my life. My morning ritual (what I only now realized was my morning ritual), had been disturbed and I was unsure of my next course of action. I decided to read a verse on my Daily Bible app instead and hopefully get some divine intervention that would guide my path for the day. It was a struggle but I made it through day 1 successfully. I went to bed and surprisingly I did not slither away into the abyss of nothingness as a result of my virtual absence. What my absence did render however, was what seemed to be additional hours on the clock.

Day 2:

The amount of ‘free time’ I was so graciously gifted in day 1 made me ponder on the amount of time that is sacrificed doing mindless scrolling. Let me clarify however, that I am not an extremist. I know first handedly that social media is not useful only for useless activities but plays a pivotal role in our lives as students and professionals in the world of work and simply just to maintain our relationships. This was the main struggle with day 2. There were several important issues I wanted to clarify with classmates and virtual group meetings that I had to opt out of that caused me unnecessary worry and anxiety. 21^st century problems! I had a stressful day to say the least and I could only liken the experience to an addict in a withdrawal phase. I mean after all, it’s not like I could have walked over to campus and ACTUALLY communicated with my classmates face to face and avoid the asynchronous burden of online communication. (I had not yet reached this stage of Enlightenment.) Nevertheless, most importantly, I did not surrender.

Day 3:

I surrendered… but for a good cause! A good enough cause…*shrugs shoulders*

I woke up and gave myself some self-motivation to enable me to make it through the final day. I mean, I was not addicted to social media… I couldn’t be! More than that, this was a course assignment, whether it was being graded or not, I could not fail! I repeated my mantra and set off to seize the day. It happened in a less dramatic way than you may have imagined. I wasn’t sitting in the middle of campus listlessly fading away into a hallucination, or experiencing a sudden feverish cold sweat while passing students began to look like Facebook and Whatsapp symbols. I didn’t drop to my knees dramatically and curse the social media Gods nor my lecturer for issuing the challenge. It was rather simple. As simple as trying to call my boyfriend frantically for an hour with no success. I became concerned, but considered the possibility that he was in an important business meeting and could not attend to any phone calls at the time. Usually, he would simply send me a message on Whatsapp to update me of his whereabouts and his availability. And so, it was in this quiet and private moment that I simply surrendered the challenge and clicked the ominous green icon that would now connect me in some way to my boyfriend that I so desired to communicate with. He messaged me, therefore he was alive. He existed. This knowledge quelled my anxiety and I understood a new perspective of social media proving our existence, in the least superficial way possible.

References:

Newton, P. (2012, August 22). I Facebook, Therefore I Am. Retrieved February 18, 2015, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-newton/facebook-identity_b_1818281.html

Osuagwu, N. (2009). Facebook addiction: The life & times of social networking addicts. New York: Ice Cream Melts Pub

Qualman, E. (2009). Socialnomics: How social media transforms the way we live and do business. Hoboken, N.J.: Wiley.

The Patriarchy of Trinidad Nightlife; The Default Assumption That Women Have Given Their Consent to Wine

Yes. I went there. I dared to mention the ‘P’ word in a Trinidadian context. But it’s been far too long and someone had to say it! I’m sure that every single woman reading this right now has experienced the unexpected, and not to mention unwanted thrust of a man’s frontal pelvic area on some part of her body during a night out at the club, a fete, a bar… hell, any public space with music! One author bluntly described nightclubs as, “…meat markets, places where you ‘meet’ lots of women.” He went further to claim that it was also, “…a market for discounted commodities” (women). (Nasa, 2013, p.70)

My question is this; “meat market” or not,  “Since when did it become acceptable to simply sneak up behind a woman and aggressively gyrate?” I know mentioning the word chivalry in this context is a bit of a longshot but is it preposterous to presume such a thing as “wining etiquette” in Trinidad?

Many of you, men and women alike, may be thinking I’m taking this wining thing a bit too seriously since after all, as Patrice Roberts said, “A little wine never hurt nobody”. But this is exactly the mindset that contributes to the violation of, not all (since some women do in fact enjoy a man dancing on them without verbal consent), but a large number of women’s bodies because let’s face it- Not Every Woman Cares For A Random Man To Invade Her Personal Space And Grind His *ahem* Behind Her!

I could almost hear the arguments that last statement provoked, so let’s address these now.

1) “She comin’ in a place like dis, wa she expek to happen?

This is the patriarchal mentality that many possess. The idea is that the night belongs to men. More so, hyper-sexual environments like nightclubs, fetes and bars are Men’s territory in which women trespass at their own risk. In other words, women opting to go to these places to relax and unwind automatically surrender their already limited ‘daytime rights’ to those who run the night.

Whether she wants to ‘play stush’, calmly sip a few drinks, or ‘bruk out’ with her girlfriends and unwind from her stressful day, it’s her choice. If she prefers to dance on every man who gives her the ‘look’, it’s her choice. There’s no long and short of it.

So men, just because a female is in the club or the fete she did not automatically sign a contract relinquishing all personal rights for the night and suddenly become available to fulfill your wining fantasy. In fact, it is this damaging ideology that women by nature are sexually available to men at all times that leads to the acceptance of male sexual aggression as ‘normal’.

2) “She getting on wassi whole nite an den she hav a problem if a man come to thief a wine?”

As I said before, it’s all about choice which frankly women are not given much of. For all of you who think like this out there you’re not very far off from condoning rape. A woman’s attire or body movements do not substitute for her voice. If she did not ask for it, or said no, your mindless attempts are a violation of her rights and her body.

I know quite a number of females both single and non-single, who go out with the intention of having a good time with their friends and are not interested in dancing on random men. It’s not rocket science. She could be twerking, wining, dropping it like it’s hot or engaging in any other sexual (or sometimes not so sexual) body movements. THAT IS NOT AN OPEN-INVITATION TO MEN FAR AND WIDE TO JOIN HER! The inequality is as clear as day since it is common knowledge that when a man says ‘no’ he means no. However, if a woman says ‘no’, men decode this as meaning: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED and therein begins the mental delusi…I mean, negotiation toward an eventual ‘yes’.

3) “I eh see she wit no man so I eh see de problem”

There’s so many problems with this statement, where do I begin? Firstly, this comment in itself emphasizes the patriarchal mindset we have today. It suggests that the only signal that could possibly encourage a man to think twice about bold-facedly lunging onto a woman’s body, pelvic first, is the presence of another man. (Mind you, this does not always deter men from the relentless pursuit of another man’s girlfriend/wife which takes this argument to a whole other level.)

The idea, as Mae West rightly put it, is that “men maintain their institutional superiority over women by sexually intimidating women, only to reinforce male dominance by convincing women that we need a man’s protection from other men’s abuse.” (LeMoncheck, 1997, p.160) After all, how many times are women called crazy to opt for a ‘girls night out’ without at least the silent security of Keisha’s older brother?

It seems that women are born free, but everywhere they are in chains. If we do choose to venture out into the man’s world that is Trinidad Nightlife… we do so at our own risk.

References:

LeMoncheck, L. (1997). Loose women, lecherous men a feminist philosophy of sex. New York, N.Y.: Oxford University Press.

Nasa, A. (2013). Commodity Women: A Daring Journey into the Mind-Set of Some Women. IUniverse.

The List of Male Privileges. (2012, November 2). Retrieved February 18, 2015, from https://xyfeminist.wordpress.com/the-male-privilege-list/